


fear of falling asleep

by rivalactions



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Bad Ending, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Memory Loss, Not RPF, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:01:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29789580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rivalactions/pseuds/rivalactions
Summary: Karl blinked at him, looking around at his old home near the crater. Sapnap knows the look, knows that he doesn't remember. It's okay. He's done this too many times to count now, checking this old place every evening. Most nights it's empty.Tonight's a good night. Karl's here.[ Sapnap watches as Karl slowly forgets about them. ]
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity/Karl Jacobs, Alexis | Quackity/Karl Jacobs/Sapnap, Alexis | Quackity/Sapnap, Karl Jacobs/Sapnap
Comments: 19
Kudos: 172





	fear of falling asleep

**Author's Note:**

> /breakdances gently 
> 
> I got in my feels one night and speedran this, sorry but none of this is original lmao. the time travel angst was just too good to resist :')

It shouldn't have taken him so long to realise that something was wrong. 

Sapnap hears the sound of music playing inside their house as he lets himself inside, following the sound into the living room to see both of his fiance's together. Quackity is sitting cross-legged on the floor with his guitar in his arms, fingers plucking at the strings as he plays a song, head ducked down as he concentrates. Karl is sitting opposite him, fingers drumming gently against his knee as he sways side to side with the tempo of the song. They're both singing together.

The tune is familiar but the lyrics are not, and Quackity looks up at him and breaks his flow with a giddy laugh. He shouldn't be embarrassed, this scene wasn't one he hadn't seen before, but he could still see the way his eyes would rather look down at his own hands as he strums harder. Karl covers his mouth as he does the same and giggles behind his hand, tipping his head backwards to look at him. 

"Don't stop, don't stop," Sapnap urges them on, unable and unwilling to stop the grin on his face. Quackity tries and falls out of rhythm, before switching completely to a new song. 

"For mi amor," he grins. Karl gasps and blows him an exaggerated kiss, clasping his hands together in front of his heart. 

Sapnap sets down his things by the side of the door, getting his hands free to reach down and take one of Karl’s in his own. “May I have this dance?” he asks, pulling the brunet up to his feet. He hardly knows how to ballroom dance, and their living space doesn’t really allow for sweeping moves, but it’s enough for him to spin Karl around in his arms just to make him laugh. 

Karl’s skin flushes too easily lately, looking borderline anemic when he’d woken up that morning. The wash of colour spreading over his cheeks makes him look more alive, and Sapnap makes a note at the back of his mind to keep an eye on his eating. Sapnap holds onto him closer, looping his arms around his waist as Karl hooks his behind his neck and they sway back and forth together. 

Fuck, he loves him. He says it out loud, murmuring it up against his ear. Karl hums, a shiver running down his back as he pulls his head back to look at him. “Your stubble tickles,” he murmurs in explanation, and Sapnap just leans in to rub their cheeks together, the other boy protesting with a laugh. 

“Can I kiss you?” Sapnap asks, bringing one hand up to brush his thumb under the delicate skin of his eye, feeling the brush of his long lashes against him. Karl nods his head, tipping his chin upwards towards him. 

Sapnap instead spins them around again before tipping him backwards, a strong hand at the small of his back to keep them from toppling over, and he kisses him. He can feel his smile against his lips, and his chest swells. There’s a quiet, happy sigh from Karl, their lips brushing together as he exhales, “James.” 

Sapnap’s eyes open at that, staring down at the brunet. He hears the song Quackity’s playing for them skip a beat, and he knows that the other must have heard it too. 

Karl doesn’t seem to realise that anything’s wrong, opening his eyes too and giving Sapnap a giddy smile. “Don’t drop me,” he giggles. He doesn’t know what he’s said. Sapnap doesn’t know what to do about it. He hesitates for a moment too long, the moment is over, and he straightens them both up again. Karl just pressed up against him again, resting his chin against his shoulder and swaying back and forth. Sapnap goes through the motions, but there’s a small frown pulling at his brows. Looking over Karl’s shoulder at Quackity, the other just shrugs his shoulders at him. Neither of them had ever heard of anyone called James before. He must have just misheard. 

He lets it go. 

* * *

Waking up alone was something he was used to. 

He had assumed that when the three of them moved in together that there would always be at least one of them in the bed with him in the mornings. It wasn’t like he was a late sleeper. So Sapnap couldn’t say that he felt disappointed anymore when he rolled over onto the left side of the bed to find that it was already cold. 

Keeping busy was now a task he had to give himself to keep him feeling useful now that there wasn’t the threat of violence at any given moment. He should be grateful, he knew, not restless and flighty and bored. War had become so natural that now they were without it, he wasn’t sure what to do with himself. 

Quackity was keeping himself busy with a build, something that he wanted to finish before showing it off to the rest of them. There was a note from him stuck to the fridge, promising that he would be back before it got dark. Sapnap didn’t mind if he ended up being a bit late, at least he knew where he was. 

He couldn’t say the same thing about Karl. 

It had been nearly an entire week since he’d seen him last. He hadn’t mentioned going away anywhere the night before. If anything, all he had talked about was plans for his new library and coming up with a name together. It was the first place that Sapnap had gone out to look for him after he didn’t come home the next night, just to find the place looking exactly how they’d left it the last time they’d been there. 

He’d kicked around for the rest of the day, waiting to see if he’d show up through the portal. 

Nothing. 

The next day he went back again, sitting down cross-legged in the grass outside. Chewing on the inside of his cheek, he shook away the thought that he looked like an abandoned dog waiting for their owner to come back. 

The next day, four days since he had last seen Karl, he decided that he may as well gather resources while he was waiting around for him. If anything, if he kept his hands occupied then his mind would stay quiet. When he arrived each morning he did a sweep of the place, looking for any signs, any changes, anything that could tell him if the brunet had been there while he was away. Every time he couldn’t find a thing. 

That night he had told Quackity that he was going to sleep there, just in case he showed up at night. It was stupid, but he had to try, just in case. His fiance had nodded in agreement, offering to stay with him but he’d refused. Quackity needed to stay at home, in case he came back. 

It had all been a waste of time in the end.

Sapnap had been walking back through L’manberg on the way home, clothes still dirty from working out at the library, when he saw a light on inside Karl’s old home. His heart dropped to his stomach. Surely not, surely not. 

He dodged the rubble and holes in the ground as he rushed to his door as fast as he could. He didn’t even bother to knock on the front door, a fucking week with no contact and he decided that they were past knocking. 

Inside, Karl had jumped at the sound of his door opening, looking over towards him. Sapnap’s feet were rooted to the floor in the doorway, just staring inside at him with a dry mouth. 

“Uh, hey,” Karl said after a heavy moment of silence, giving him a polite, but awkward, smile. 

“What the hell, man?” he replied. 

Karl blinked at him with wide doe eyes. “Everything okay?” he asked, brows pulling together in concern. 

“What- are you kidding me?” Sapnap snapped out of it, stepping inside with three long strides to cross the room and stand over Karl. “Where the hell have you been?”

“Um,” Karl blinked again. He didn’t hold his gaze, dropping his eyes to look down at his feet as a giggle escaped his lips, a nervous habit. He rubbed the back of his head, “Ah, you know. Around. Doing stuff.” 

Now that they were closer, Sapnap could see the tremor in Karl’s hands as he wrung them together in front of him. He could see the light sheen of sweat on his forehead. He could see the way he would sway backwards on the balls of his feet, before correcting himself and leaning forwards. 

His anger faded as fast as it had arrived, and Sapnap pulled him into a tight hug against his chest, dropping his forehead down against his shoulder. “Been worried fucking sick about you,” he muttered into his sweater. 

It took a moment before he felt Karl’s hands slowly rest against his back. “I’m sorry,” he replied against his chest. 

Sapnap squeezed him tighter, shaking his head. "It's okay. It's alright," he exhaled, pulling his head back to look at Karl closely. A calloused hand brushed through his hair, pushing it up off his forehead. He didn't lean into the touch like he normally did, something Sapnap only really noticed when he realised that he didn't have his arms around him anymore either, hanging awkwardly at his sides. He pursed his lips together. “Are you okay? Not gonna lie man, you look like shit.” 

Karl laughs silently, biting down on the inside of his cheek. “I’m fine, I’m just-” he takes a breath before exhaling heavily. “I’m just really tired.” 

“Let’s go home, yeah?” he says. 

Karl hesitates, glancing behind Sapnap at his old living space, before back to him. “Yeah, alright,” he agrees. “Lead the way.” 

* * *

Sapnap wakes to a hand hitting him in the face. 

His nose stings, groggily swearing under his breath as he half wakes up. The room is pitch black, it’s the middle of the night, and beside him Karl is twisting himself out of the bedsheets. 

“Hey, hey, hey,” he starts, rubbing at his eyes with one hand, the other reaching out for the brunet. More hands hit him back in response, unintelligible distressed sounds coming from his fiance. Sapnap quickly sits up, trying to settle him down from his nightmare or whatever the hell was going on. 

Quackity starts to stir awake on the other side of the bed, barely murmuring out a confused, “Huh?” before a hand’s slapped against his jaw in the middle of Karl’s panic. It all happens so fucking fast, before Sapnap gets a chance to stop him. 

Quackity flies from the bed with a whimper, his knee hitting the bedpost with a hard thump. Sapnap shouts, grabs Karl’s hands between his own. “Karl!” 

“No, no no no please, no, stop, please, god, no, no-” he begs, and it breaks his heart. Sapnap gives his shoulders a shake, trying to snap him out of his blind panic before he started to hurt himself. At the end of the bed, Quackity looked dazed, eyes glassy as a hand went up to his cheek and ghosted over the sting. 

“Karl. Karl, it’s okay. You’re okay, I’m here,” Sapnap urged him, wanting to pull him tight into his arms but hesitating, unsure if the touch would be welcomed right now or if it would just make it worse. Karl’s shoulders shuddered, rippling down the rest of his body before he started to blink his eyes open. Tears ran from the corners of his eyes, falling down the sides of his face and into his hair at his temples. 

“S-...” he started, clasping his hand over his mouth and shaking his head silently as he couldn't make the words come out. 

Light from outside flooded into the bedroom as the door opened, and Quackity pulled it shut behind him as he escaped out of the bedroom. Sapnap felt torn, but he couldn't chase after him now while he still had a shaking Karl in their bed, hiccuping in breaths past his fingers. Keeping himself calm, for him, Sapnap settled back into the bed beside him, slowly carding his fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp. "It's alright. You're okay," he cooed, repeating himself over and over again for as long as he needed to hear it. 

Sapnap yawned, closing his eyes. What even was the time? He feels like he had been in the middle of a deep sleep before he'd been woken up. Karl rolled over onto his side, curling inwards on himself, and Sapnap pressed a tired kiss to the crown of his head. 

"Bad dream?" He murmured. 

Below him, Karl whispered, "I don't know." 

* * *

"You know, I can't decide whether you're choosing to ignore it or if you're just stupid." 

Sapnap blinked, looking up from the mug of coffee he'd been holding between both of his hands. Quackity's sitting across from him, fingers drumming against his knee. 

"What?" 

His fiance narrowed his eyes, shaking his head. "You know what I'm talking about," he replied. 

"I don't, actually." 

"God, you sound just like him. Acting like you have no idea what's going on." 

Sapnap set the mug down against the table. "If this is about Karl-" he started.

Quackity interrupted him, "Of course it's about Karl! Who the fuck else would I be talking about?" He snapped. "I know you see it too, you're just being a coward and pretending that everything is fine." 

"I know he hasn't been doing well lately," he starts to protest, but Quackity holds up a hand towards him, not finished.

"It's not like he's just got a cold, Sap. When was the last time we spent actual time together? When was the last time he initiated anything with us? God, when was the last time he used your name? Because I can't remember the last time he used mine," Quackity laughed, and it's unnatural. His hands tug at the front of his beanie, pulling it forwards. "He's always gone, leaving without even a word to us about where he's been." 

"He's probably just been doing stuff for his library," Sapnap tried, and it sounded weak even to his own ears. 

"Why are you making excuses for him?" Quackity shouted back.

"Because what else am I going to do?" Sapnap pushed his chair back as he stood up, and he hated the way that Quackity flinched away from him. "I'm gonna make it work, I'm not gonna lose anyone." 

The other man doesn't meet his eyes, shaking his head. "He's already left us, Sap. He mentally checked out of this relationship weeks ago. He isn't. Even. Physically. Here right now! He's not here. He isn't here. He's gone. He's gone. He's gone," Quackity got stuck on loop, like he was just realising what he was saying and at the same time begging himself not to believe it. 

Sapnap rounded the table, dropping down to his knees in front of where Quackity was sitting and pulled him in. 

He's strong. 

He doesn't cry, doesn't let his hands shake. 

He holds onto his fiance and kisses his palms and apologises into his shoulder. He doesn't get upset. He doesn't ask what was going to happen with them now, with their relationship. He doesn't beg for Quackity to keep trying, to wait, because he can't force him to stay when his best friend has a healing bruise on his jaw from the other night. 

He holds onto him until he has to let him go. 

* * *

"Hey Karl." 

The brunet lifted his head up from the book in his hands, that same, surprised reaction he had every time. Wide eyes searched Sapnap's face, looking for something familiar that he never finds. "Hi," he responded meekly, closing his book. 

Sapnap gave him a tired smile. "C'mon man, let's go home," he said, waiting by the door. 

Karl blinked at him, looking around at his old home near the crater. Sapnap knows the look, knows that he doesn't remember. It's okay. He's done this too many times to count now, checking this old place every evening. Most nights it's empty. 

Tonight's a good night. Karl's here. 

"I, ah- your place?" Karl asked. 

Sapnap knows the script. "Our place. You've got that red vine shit all over yours here," he said and paused, letting the other process what he said for a moment before continuing. "It's not far, we can walk there together." 

Karl hesitated, he could see him thinking it over in his head, weighing up the pros and cons of going off with a stranger, before he decided that it was less suspicious to just agree and nod his head. Sapnap gave him a smile, holding out his hand to help him up to his feet. Karl reached out for him with a bare left hand. Sapnap bit down on the inside of his cheek hard enough to taste blood. 

He wobbled, the colour draining from his face as he got up too quickly and Sapnap wondered when was the last time he remembered to eat anything. 

"Have you got your book with you?" He asked as they headed out the door. Karl nodded his head, tapping the spine from where it was tucked underneath his arm. "Good, good. You left another few volumes at my place last time, I'll show you them after some dinner." 

Karl perked up at that, a frown tugging at his brows as he watched his feet. "Last time?" He asked. 

"Yeah, a couple weeks ago, maybe three weeks ago," he said, giving him a timeline to work on. Karl just nodded dazedly. "I didn't want to take them to your library for you, they looked more like diaries than actual books." Sapnap kept his voice as natural as possible, even when he couldn't keep himself still as they walked together back to their home, barely able to keep his excitement to himself at having Karl back with him again. 

He kept on filtering information for him into their conversation, slowly, bit by bit. He referred to himself in the third person, and pretended to not see the relief in Karl's eyes at finally having his name. He didn't mention Quackity, and Karl didn't ask. He didn't seem to notice the extra pieces around the home of another person who used to live there with them. 

* * *

"Hey Karl." 

The brunet turned his head in response to having someone else in his house, not his name. His book was held between two hands, closed. The cover looked different to how Sapnap remembered it last time, like it had been left out in the sun for too long and all the colours had been bleached out of it. 

Karl pushed himself up to his feet, one hand on the wall keeping himself steady. A nervous laugh bubbled up his throat and he rubbed a hand through the back of his hair. 

"Sorry, ah… Who are you?" 


End file.
